


Never to Touch and Never to Keep

by LeChatRouge673



Series: Cat's Song [9]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 02:58:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeChatRouge673/pseuds/LeChatRouge673
Summary: Set before (and then after) the events of Songs Forgotten and Remembered.





	Never to Touch and Never to Keep

**Author's Note:**

> Set before (and then after) the events of Songs Forgotten and Remembered.

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark_   
_Same old empty feeling in your heart_   
_Love comes slow and it goes so fast_   
_Well you see her when you fall asleep_   
_But never to touch and never to keep_   
_'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep._

 

-“Let Her Go” by Passenger

 

* * *

 

 

_23 Kingsway, 9:39 Dragon_

 

He knew he should not be there. It was only going to reopen old wounds, and at the worst possible time. He had said he would be there on Saturday; had told Anora that it would be fine. She’d known he was lying, but had at least had the grace not to say anything. Even Cailan had sensed that something was off, but by some grace of the Maker the boy had kept his mouth shut and not said anything stupid. Coming here, seeing her even from a distance… it was practically stabbing himself in the heart. Come to think of it, that might have actually been the more attractive option.

Still, he had needed to see her, just once more, before everything changed. So much already had. Her cheekbones stood out too starkly against her skin, so it did not take a great deal of deduction to realize she had not been eating properly. Again. She’d stopped bothering trying to cover up the dark circles under her eyes, but perhaps the lack of sleep could be attributed to nerves about Saturday? Doubtful. Theadosia did not get nervous about anything. She was one of the strongest people he had ever known.

Void, she’d survived him.

He slipped into the booth at the very back corner of The Hanged Man, where the shadows hung the heaviest and where it was unlikely Theadosia would see him from where she stood on stage, the soft, haunting lilt of her songs washing over the gathered crowd. Anora had told him that she rarely sang anything happy anymore; had not for over a year. Still, her voice was beautiful. It always had been. Memories of her singing in the shower, or in the kitchen while she cooked, or just when she was in a good mood; they stayed with him. Helped when things seemed darkest.

A glass of whiskey, his favorite, slid across the table silently and he caught it in his hand as it was followed by a slender figure in jeans and an old band t-shirt who slipped into the booth opposite him, her long, raven black curls pulled up in a messy knot on the top of her head and her teal eyes running over him in open appraisal. He’d always liked Ravenna Hawke; wondered if she would still like him if she knew what had happened between him and Theadosia.

“You come to finally fix this shitshow, Mac Tir?” She asked without preamble.

_Ah. So she_ did _know_.

“I have no idea what you are referring to, Hawke,” Loghain replied flatly, meeting her gaze head on. “I just needed a drink.”

“Right,” Ven quirked an eyebrow in his direction. “And you definitely don’t have a way better stash at home. Or couldn’t have gone to literally any other bar in the city where you would not have had to run into her.”

“Perhaps I simply wanted to bask in your charming company,” he retorted.

Ven rolled her eyes. “Bullshit. You came to see her. So why aren’t you over there talking to her?”

“Why would I have any particular reason to?” He shrugged. “I will see Theadosia on Saturday, same as the rest of you. She is in the middle of a set.”

“You two are the most impossibly stubborn people I have _ever_ met,” she growled under her breath. “You would not be here if you did not still have feelings for her, Mac Tir.”

Loghain pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “Again, Hawke, I have no idea what you are referring to. And even if I did…” he glanced up at the stage, where Theadosia had begun a new song, heartbreak itself woven into every note. “She’s getting married on Saturday, Ravenna. She’s moved on.”

“She’s about to make a huge fucking mistake is what she’s about to do!” Ven hissed. “And you’re about to let her!”

“Cullen Rutherford is a good man,” Loghain shot back, although he was not certain who exactly he was trying to convince. “He will be good for her. And she loves him.”

Ven shook her head, and for the first time in the years he had known her, Loghain could almost swear there was something akin to sadness in her eyes. “Yeah, she does. But not like she loves you.”

He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “How long have you known, Hawke?”

“I didn’t,” she gave him a grim smile. “I suspected, for a long time. And now you’ve just confirmed what I thought I knew. You two were involved. Worse, you were in love. Fuck, I’d put smart money on you both still being gone for each other, which is why I’m trying to get you to pull your head out of your ass and _do something_ before she does something that is going to hurt you all.”

Loghain was quiet for a long moment, nursing the glass between his hands and staring at the scarred wood of the table. From the stage, Theadosia’s words wove around his heart and his mind like vines and thorns, reminding him of everything he had had. Of everything he had let go.

“Cause you only need the light when it's burning low, only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go…”

He looked back at Ravenna, her eyes boring into him intently, but he just shook his head.

“I can’t, Hawke. And I know I have no right to ask it of you, but I would appreciate it if you did not tell her I was here.”

To his surprise, she laughed sadly.

“Oh Loghain,” she reached across the table and patted his arm gently before she stood. “You really think she did not know the moment you walked in?”

He looked back to the stage. The instruments had fallen away, and know only the clear, heartbreaking tones of Theadosia’s voice rang out in the spellbound silence of the room. And her eyes had met his as the final lyrics fell from her lips.

“And you let her go…”

 

* * *

 

 

_31 Firstfall, 9:43 Dragon_

 

Loghain’s eyelids shot open, and he could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to even his breath. His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness of the bedroom, picking up the faint traces of winter starlight that reflected off the snow outside. Beside him, Theadosia stirred, murmuring softly.

“Are you alright, love?”

“Yes,” he exhaled deeply. “I’m fine.”

“Bad dream?” She asked, snuggling close to him as he lay back down beside her.

“Bad memory,” he admitted, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Mmm, well, I’m here now,” Theadosia reassured him, her voice already slipping back towards the fade.

“You are,” Loghain whispered against her hair.

“And I am never letting you go again.”


End file.
